I hate overnight flights

They’re terrible to me. I can’t sleep and the next day I’m wrecked. In theory they should be the best way to travel, multitasking your sleep while you move from point A to point B, but I never sleep. I should be great at sleeping considering how much I love doing it, but really I ride the little bus into unconsciousness each night.

I have no excuse for this flight either. As I checked in at the airport I heard the six most beautiful words in the English language: “We’ve upgraded you to upper class.” I celebrated in the Virgin Atlantic clubhouse, only open to first class passengers, and that’s where my mistakes started because by celebrate I mean drank a rum and coke and 2 glasses of champagne in the space of an hour.

I boarded during preboarding (fabulous!) . My seat was 7A. In upper class the seats face toward the middle of the plane because they convert into beds. Really each seat is completely segregated from every other passenger’s. The other thing about upper class is that as soon as you sit down the flight attendents start bringing you drinks and boy do I love champagne. I had another glass and a bellini by time the plane took off, popped some asthma meds in flight and got ready to spend a peaceful 6 hours basking in upper class splendor.

Except as the hours went by I began to feel more and more ill. I watched The Devil Wears Prada which, despite a fantastic Merryl Streep and ridiculously gorgeous shoes, was boring. Then I started to watch The Office (US version baby) but I couldn’t concentrate and thought I’d try to sleep. I couldn’t. My heart was beating too fast and it was too warm and I couldn’t get comfortable. So I went to the bar and drank 5 glasses of water straight which only made me feel sicker. I tried to sleep again until the aesthetician roused me for my hand massage and accupressure (it’s a whole different world in upper class I tell you). It was about 8 am London time.

At first the massage was amazing. I love accupressure. The rationalist westerner in me has a sneaking suspicion that it’s all voodoo, but there’s enough romantic in there to abolish my inner Descartes to the back of the closet, especially when I’m getting a massage. Except that I started to feel more and more faint. I’ve passed out before when I was dehydrated and when I got my eyebrow pierced; the doctor says I have Vasovagal Syncope. I just think I’m a wuss. Regardless, this was where this was leading. I must have looked ill to the aesthetician because she asked me if I was ok and quickly got a wet towel for my forehead and some juice and water. She said to me, “Don’t worry about it. This happens a lot. It’s a very effective massage.” Here’s the thing: If people tend to pass out from a certain massage, doesn’t it make sense to NOT do the massage? But Descartes has left the closet and I think the truth is that the water I’d drunk hadn’t been absorbed into my system and the combination of alcohol and the dryness from the artificial air had left me dehydrated.

I returned to my seat and tossed and turned for another hour until it was time to convert our beds back into seats to prepare for landing. By then I was sleepless and still ill. While this wasn’t exactly the best way to start my “new life” (a term that makes me nervous. it’s all the same life, it’s just that this part of it is in London) on the plus side I now have negative, sickly connotations with upper class. This will do me well the next time I fly, trapped with everyone else in coach.

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~ by kellly333 on January 5, 2007.

3 Responses to “I hate overnight flights”

  1. three things…
    a run&coke, 3 glasses of champagen, and a bellini. Were you planning on eating anything at anytime soon?

    Inner Descartes? Love it.

    Vasovagal Syncope? Sounds a little scary.

    Oh, and I miss you.

  2. I am glad you made it in one piece! Sounds like a swank flight- bellini, accupressure… Too bad you couldn’t enjoy it more. Hope you are feeling better. Miss you. Can’t wait to come visit!

  3. Rum & Coke, Champagne, Bellini’s + asthma meds? No wonder! Hope you are feeling better! Ysi sends licks & wags!

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